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#iwillwhatiwant
Strength. Such a powerful word. Its power comes from how we define what it means to us rather than the general definition you can find in a dictionary. What does it mean to have strength? To be strong? Does it mean to have a strong body? A strong mind? Both? In the past two weeks, I've been working on redefining what strength means to me. Inspired by a few days in which I decided to push my body to new limits, I felt I had to slow down and reflect on my physical and mental strength. I quickly found that in order to push forward and become stronger, my mind and body have to be in synch. Start safe, I thought, and nothing feels safer to me than Zumba. Zumba is a high-cardio, fast-paced, choreographed workout. To me it's just FUN. I've been dancing all my life, it's a huge part of me stemming from when my sister and I used to watch dance movies like Dirty Dancing, Salsa and Singing in The Rain, all the while trying to imitate the dancers and choreographies. My philosophy when it comes to Zumba is "Dance like nobody's watching", I do and it feels great. If Zumba is my default workout, then running is certainly my plan B. I was reminded just a few days ago how challenging running used to be for me. Not to say that running doesn't challenge me anymore, it absolutely does every time I get out there. But in terms of my mind and body, although it has taken years to get there, those two are like loving sisters. One has the back of the other one at every step. If one is feeling weak, the other will come to its rescue. They talk to each other too. They say things like "You need to slow down" and more importantly "It's ok if you do". And for my third 'safe' activity, I continued personal training. If strength can be defined solely in the physical aspect, then PT makes me feel strong when I do it. I can see my muscles at work, my legs and core holding my body up, my arms and legs getting more defined at every class. It's been a long process to become physically strong. I've come such a long way from doing activities where I was certain I couldn't do (like hold a 1min plank), to doing things I know for sure I can do (like running 5k). 'Can' and 'Can't', also very powerful words. But a real challenge has to have a fear factor to it. It has to take you out of your element and comfort zone. A challenge has to make you question the outcome... Will you succeed? Will you fail? You don't know. But you will try. Enter aerial silks. I've always known that silks is not for me and I am not for it. The idea of climbing a rope-like device relying solely on my body strength, climbing higher and higher, and then doing some sort of pirouette style move at the top, all the while looking graceful? Definitely not for me. But I decided to try four lessons of silks, the product of a (hastily made) bet. (I won't go in depth about this experience as I'm still reflecting on it and finding the right words to share it on a post, stay tuned.)
The whole experience was more than challenging, it was very scary. I don't use that term lightly, especially when the fear manifests itself physically, meaning, others can clearly see that I am scared. In the pictures above, I'm climbing the silks higher than I had before, trying so hard to not look down and psyche myself out. As expected I froze when I was almost at the top and had to come down quickly. The fear made me dizzy, nauseous and drained the color from my face. I shook like a leaf. Ironically though, silks was the jolt my body and mind needed. So what does it mean to have strength? Strike that. What does it mean to me to have strength? Here's what have found: When I do Zumba, I feed my self-confidence. I workout, have fun and feel really strong. When I run, I continue to challenge myself and nurture the sibling relationship of my mind and body. As they become stronger together, I become a stronger runner. When I do PT, I can see my strength as my body changes. When I did silks, before walking into the practice room I took deep breaths. While stretching, I thought of ways to calm myself down. And when I got up there for the first time and didn't quit immediately, yes, that was strength to me.
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Ceci Gomez-GalvezOriginally from Guatemala, I've been living overseas for 11 years (Italy, China). I'm a runner who learns at every step. |